Cool Runnings

Hair blowing in the wind like Australia’s Next Top Model with a sultry look that says to die for out loud I settle back in my chair taking slow sips of my ice frosted lemon tea. I feel cooler than Marlon Brando at the height of his career right now. Young, beautiful and chilling at the perfect temperature.

My little nine year old nephew Peter doesn’t look too happy. I’ve made him hold up this LED Programmable Message Fan for the past 25 minutes with the words YOU ARE A GOLDEN GOD lit up with brilliant LED lights. It’s a multipurpose machine, not only does it keep me cool but also manages to stroke my fragile ego at the same time. You can keep changing the messages into whatever you want which I constantly do.

So far we have gone through:

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR PEEPS!

ROUND AND ROUND WE GO

YOU ARE NOT RICK JAMES

HERE’S JOHNNY!!!

RAISE YOUR GLASS AND TOAST TO MY GLORY

It’s a great family dinner, after all the food and wine I have consumed this must be the best way to cool down. Peter doesn’t share my enthusiasm; after all he is being used like an Egyptian slave while I bask in my glory like a conquering Marc Anthony. Finally staging a revolt of his own he runs off with the fan leaving me basking in the heat of the living room.

Lucky for me I bought a few of this fans, I pull out another one out of my pocket and turn it on. This one glows with the words: PASS ME A BEER

Lot of ways to cool down on a hot Christmas day but I just go with the two best ways, a cold beer and a cool breeze.

Merry Christmas everybody!