All That Shimmers Ain’t Always Gold

Since she got back from the hospital after that whole nose breaking incident my girlfriend Stacey Peruzzi has been going through some Girl Interrupted kinda thingy. For those of you who haven’t watched the movie it deals with a central character, played by Winona Ryder, going through some serious depression. I had no idea what was the true reason for this bleak period in her life. Other than breaking her nose it could have been the fact that she had just quit her job as an art dealer, or that she had maxed out her 3 credit cards in a fit of shopping rage, or the fact that she had to endure me as a boyfriend.

Whatever it was that had caused it, she simply got into a terrible desolate funk of pessimism. Lying down slumped on her couch each day, she would stay at home flicking through Foxtel, smoking cigarette after cigarette and hardly eating anything. She would answer in a laconic manner and with extreme sarcasm in a monotone voice. She said she wanted to be left alone. I did as she asked for two weeks, nothing changed, so being Johnny Catch I decided that something had to be done.

Buying her flowers and chocolates didn’t work, the flowers died and the chocolate melted uneaten. Getting her to leave her house was next to impossible, she wouldn’t move an inch off her couch, I tried carrying her to a movie once but she wasn’t having none of it, the scratch marks speak for themselves. I bought her a Goldfish, hoping that perhaps she could be seduced into caring for another creature. The goldfish went the way of the flowers after her cat Picasso got his paws on it. Once I showed up at her house dressed as Superman complete with the cape, telling her I was here to save her, she called me a dork and slammed the door in my face.

Various other schemes and plans didn’t work; nothing would bring a smile to her face. I wasn’t one to give up but even I was getting frustrated. I was getting worried. I was sad that she was sad and I was upset with myself that I couldn’t do anything about it. Then I remembered an old adage that my father used to tell me when I was kid: when a girl gets upset get her something that sparkles and shimmers. I’m not exactly sure what that adage was referring to but I thought I had nothing to lose here.

Showing up at her house with my best suit on, a bottle of wine and some Special Release Jewelry worked like a charm. She was kind of shocked at first because this was completely unlike me but relenting she let me in. I put on the earrings for her and let her try out the necklaces and the bracelets in front of her mirror; she studied herself closely in the mirror and decided she liked what she saw. We had quite a talk that night about her dreams and where she was in life and where she wanted to go. For the first time in a long time I did exactly what I was supposed to, I listened to her and asked her the right questions at the right moments and slowly the old Stacey started to come out again.

It was quite a night, it ended her downward spiral of depression, and all she needed was a little bit of good company and some classy jewelry. I’m pretty sure you can guess how the night ended.

Ryder style.